PAGE NINE -- No. 34
by Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America

I've created a special feature for the print media and broadcasters ("Page Nine" regardless of where or when it runs), that covers stories afresh, not the way news rooms typically flavor things. It would help reduce the distrust so many news consumers feel and could be the most avidly followed item they carry -- it certainly is well received by my audience.

Here's a casual sample. It might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but Page Nine is being built around ad revenues from clear-thinking mainstream businesses.

Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America
"The Uninvited Ombudsman"

--Tell your friends--
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PAGE NINE

The Uninvited Ombudsman Report, No. 34
by Alan Korwin, Sep. 19, 2007

Page Nine Is Now A Blog!
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Contents:
(searchable by item number)

1- Carville Needs Help
2- Vick's Dog Meat
3- Helicopter Crash Longevity
4- Katrina Destruction Preserved
5- Larry's Bathroom Follies
6- Green Car Nonsense
7- Immigration Law Works
8- U.N. Fights Rights
9- Left vs. Right

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1- Carville Needs Help

The lamestream media has publicly announced that:
Brilliant democrat political advisor James Carville, with a brilliant and ground-breaking new strategy, is asking the public for slogans for the democrat party. He denies it is a tacit admission that we, the people, may be more capable of expressing what's important to us than the leadership of his party.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Here with suggestions for the skull-faced smirking strategist is dashing-looking guest columnist Craig Cantoni's:

--Vote Democrat, so you can fornicate, procreate and marry the state instead of a mate.

--Vote Democrat, so you can sleep in class and still pass.

--Vote Democrat, so you can skip your homework and get a free tutor.

--Vote Democrat, so instead of stealing your neighbor's stuff yourself and risk getting shot, you can hire government agents to do the stealing for you.

--Vote Democrat, so your obese kids can eat Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos and Tostidos at home and still get free breakfast and lunch burritos at school.

--Vote Democrat, so you can blame your lack of industriousness on the industrious.

--Vote Democrat, so you can blame your low wages on the rich instead of on your tattoos, rings, studs and purple hair.

--Vote Democrat, so you can blame your obesity on genetics.

--Vote Democrat, so you can feign a disability and get free stuff at everyone else's expense.

--Vote Democrat, so you can spend $800 a month on cell phones, lottery tickets, fast food and big-screen televisions, and then claim that you can't afford health insurance.

--Vote Democrat, so you can spend a lifetime gorging on ribs, fried chicken, greasy pizza, and lard-soaked refried beans, and then charge your skinny neighbor for your heart surgery.

--Vote Democrat, so you can feel compassionate and generous by giving other people's money to the poor.

--Vote Democrat, so that you can live beyond your means and then steal from the savings of those who lived below their means for your retirement.

--Vote Democrat, so you can show the capitalists that the only problem with Marxism is how Stalin, Mao and Castro implemented it.

--Vote Democrat, so you can rant about discrimination while demanding special privileges for your race.

--Vote Democrat, so you can accuse Republicans of being war mongers while ignoring the war mongering of your own party.

--Vote Democrat, so you can claim to care about kids while encouraging single parenting and out-of-wedlock births, which are the primary causes of harm to kids.

--If you're a reporter, vote Democrat, so you will be accepted by the other reporters in the newsroom.

--If you're a liberal arts professor, vote Democrat, so you will be accepted by the other professors in the school of liberal arts.

--If you're a public school teacher, vote Democrat, so you will be accepted by the other union members at your school.

--And if you're a typical Republican, vote Democrat, so you can stop prtending that you are for limited government.

An author and columnist, Mr. Cantoni can be reached at ccan2@aol.com. Visit his website, Honest Americans Against Legal Theft, http://www.haalt.org.

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2- Vick's Dog Meat

The lamestream media told you:
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has pled guilty to federal dog-fighting charges. The star football player has been disgraced, humiliated, and will probably never play again due to his horrific and inhumane behavior to those poor wittle adorable puppy wuppies.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
In an apparent breach of protocol and ethics, reporters failed to ask federal prosecutors in the Vick case, "Where exactly does the U.S. Constitution give the federal government power over dog fights?"

Critics asked how the news media could ride such a high horse over one man's preference in sport, which hurts no one human, when they promote human conflict, violence, sodomy, adultery and crime of every description on a nearly non-stop basis. Anchors and editors actually seemed to be enjoying a holier-than-thou tirade against the unfortunate black man singled out of many who participate in such animal sports.

Showing admirable multicultural sensitivity, reporters acknowledged and disregarded widespread vicious-dog fighting in Mexico and other nations, because it's part of their culture, and needs our tolerant understanding.

In China, dogs are raised to be butchered and eaten for their food value, also acceptable as part of the diverse culture in which we live. People who know say dogs taste like chicken.

In Zimbabwe however, where government policy has led to mass starvation, people are eating dogs and other pets, to an outcry of outrage from the international "community" and others. "Just because people are starving to death doesn't mean they can just eat whatever's around," said one commentator interviewed in a restaurant.

Breathless reports that Vick "executed" some dogs is an apparent error, since killing animals cannot be execution. Execution is actually a judicial process, involving charges, courts and death-penalty sentences for heinous human criminals. Animals cannot legally be charged with crimes, though if they harm people, they can be "put to sleep," but without a trial.

While Vick was being publicly charged by "news" commentators with executions (of dogs), at least three American cities had more than 100 murders each (of human beings), largely ignored by the "news" media, possibly because the victims were mostly underclass gang members. Many of the victims, like Vick, were black, though exact figures have not been reported.

The olden principle that man is the master of the animals, long popular in America, has not been raised. The implications for bacon, Big Macs, chicken soup, hot dogs and steak, which is for dinner, all of which require massive execution of animals (and vegetables), was unclear at press time.

Rumors that PETA will be using Vick as a poster child could not be confirmed, though sources said if he is used, it will not be as a poster "boy."

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3- Helicopter Crash Longevity

The lamestream media told you:
Now once again, live from last Saturday's crash scene where there are no new developments, here is our intrepid reporter with no new details on the tragic helicopter crash that killed four heroic newsmen just doing their jobs days ago, while following a minor slow-speed police chase.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

In keeping with the late Leona Helmsley's you're-just-the-little-people concept -- publicly denounced but privately admired by the news media -- four reporters killed while working aboard helicopters received massive news coverage for more than a week.

During that time, thousands of Americans died in car wrecks, medical mistakes, poisonings, crushings and criminal acts, with no coverage whatsoever. "This is expectable," said one news commentator, "because you're just the little people."

The news media reporting on itself has raised increasing concerns among news watchdogs and ethicists. Actual live news footage of the crash was suppressed when the control room abruptly switched to a studio feed instead of the camera aboard the doomed chopper.

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4- Katrina Destruction Preserved

The lamestream media told you:
Two years ago Hurricane Katrina pounded New Orleans, causing massive destruction and 1,600 deaths. Federal and state agencies have failed miserably in reconstructing the city, especially the hardest-hit Ninth Ward. Some 12,000 people are now living on the streets.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Reporters nationally have failed to inform the public that it is not government's job or within its legitimate authority to take money from the public and give it to people who built their homes nine feet below sea level in a storm alley, when those homes are predictably flooded out or washed away.

Experts note than only clodpoles would rebuild homes in a hurricane zone below sea level after they were destroyed. "Even the federal government isn't that dense," said one high ranking official on condition of anonymity. "We are so lucky that area remains deserted," the anonymous source said, "because it's an accident waiting to happen. I don't understand why the news media keeps pounding us for not building there." Shocking but visually appealing images of aging wrecks accompanied the report.

According to social-welfare advocates, flood survivors have the same civil right to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and start over, as any illegal alien who walked through forty miles of snake-infested blazing desert to get here.

An apparently drunken homeless person colorfully surrounded by trash on a city street, when interviewed live by CNN asked, "Why isn't somebody doing something for us?"

In other news, "Chocolate City" Mayor Ray Nagin and police officials have continued to refuse to return hundreds of firearms they stole at gunpoint from residents during the emergency.

"Stole" is a strong word, according to the Second Amendment Foundation, a civil rights group. Technically the guns were, "illegally seized without warrant, due process or probable cause," they say, but later point out that the guns were, well, "stolen." Read about the lawsuit to get the private property returned, paid for, or replaced with new firearms, at saf.org.

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5- Larry's Bathroom Follies

The lamestream media told you:
Prestigious long-time high-ranking distinguished but Republican senator Larry Craig of Idaho has fallen from grace and plans to resign in disgrace after 27 years in Congress, after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor of disorderly conduct.

An undercover police officer cited Craig in a public toilet after observing conduct "often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct," according to the L.A. Times.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Experts, sequestered for days with the U.S. Constitution, and an entire set of federal and state law, have been unable to find any basis for criminalizing, "A desire to engage in sexual conduct." The ramifications for survival of the human race, if such a law does exist, could be devastating, they say.

Reviews of the police transcripts show no overtly criminal acts, no solicitations, no physical contact, no abusive treatment and no exchange or offer to exchange money, making Craig's uncontested consent to a criminal charge beyond mysterious. The fact that his entire political party turned on him and sought his resignation only deepens the mystery.

In addition, according to teams of scholars studying the case, misdemeanor disorderly conduct is not grounds for removal from office, they say. Why a kick-arse powerful senator would not use the weight of his office to get such a charge overturned, dismissed, covered up, or countercharge that it was a Democrat dirty tactic, was unknown.

"But he does sound gay," said one person familiar with such things.

"America Alone" author Mark Steyn notes that, with an undercover officer working a sting operation from a public toilet stall in an airport, there probably aren't any jobs Americans won't do.

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6- Green Car Nonsense

The lamestream media told you:
Hybrid gasoline/electric-battery cars promise a clean future and protection of the environment, according to leading scientists and environmentalists who have studied the issue. The government is being pressed to enact laws requiring development of the vehicles, which can be simply plugged in and recharged daily.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Experts have failed to note, according to leading experts, that the electrical power grid in America is running near maximum, and tops out on hot days when people run air conditioners.

"Where is the extra power supposed to come from if we have to run every car in the country on electricity?!" asks one electric company spokesperson.

According to research, environmentalists pushing for the electric cars are the same people pushing to ban any new form of electrical generating capacity in the country. The inconsistency has not been noticed by the lamestream media.

"If we run all our cars on electric," one expert notes, "we're going to have to burn an awful lot more oil and coal in plants we don't even have. Where is that supposed to come from?" he asks, on condition of anonymity.

Hydrogen-powered cars, believed by some to be the answer because they run on water, overlook the fact that water, which humans must drink to survive, is often in shorter supply than electricity. Some scientists have also noted that, because of the laws of physics, it takes more power in electricty to split water and get the hydrogen, than the hydrogen itself provides. Efforts to repeal the laws of physics have met with stiff resistance.

Undrinkable sea water, sometimes mentioned as an alternative, unfortunately requires more electric power to desalinate than is currently available, and it would then still have to be split to get the hydrogen. No one has recommended where you might stockpile all the highly corrosive salt left behind. The effect of desalinating significant portions of the world's oceans is unknown.

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7- Immigration Law Works

The lamestream media told you:
"Migrants fleeing as hiring law nears," according to the headline in Mexico-border-state Arizona, referring to a new law that will revoke the business license of any employer found hiring undocumented migrants, also known as illegal aliens.

"A growing number are pulling up stakes out of fear they will be jobless come Jan. 1 when the law takes effect. It's impossible to count how many undocumented immigrants have fled," because they're undocumented. "At least several hundred have left," since the bill was signed, based on anecdotal interviews by immigration reporter Daniel Gonzalez.

"Immigration hard liners," a derogatory term for people who respect the nation's borders, are cheering, according to the page one Sunday report. More than 70% of the public voted to take such actions when given the chance in a recent election.

People supporting illegal immigration have loudly declared that laws to stop the invasion will not work. Now, with a single common-sense law finally on the books, they will need to adopt new arguments.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
I told you so.

----------

8- U.N. Fights Rights

The lamestream media told you:
The United Nations, the world body dedicated to peace and an end to human suffering, is working diligently for global justice and deserves your support and massive tax dollars.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
David B. Kopel, Paul Gallant & Joanne D. Eisen, writing for the BYU Journal of Public Law (forthcoming, 2007), ask:

Does a woman have a human right to resist rape or murder? Do people have a human right to resist tyranny? The United Nations Human Rights Council has said "no" -- that international law recognizes no human right of self-defense.

In an article, "The Human Right to Self-Defense", they note that the Human Rights Council declares that very severe gun control -- more restrictive than even the laws of New York City -- is a human right.

Surveying international law from its earliest days to the present, this article demonstrates that self-defense is a widely-recognized human right which no government and no international body has legitimate authority to abrogate.

The issue is especially important today, as many international advocates of international gun prohibition are using the United Nations to deny and then eliminate the right of self-defense.

For example, the General Assembly is creating an "Arms Trade Treaty" which would define arms sales to citizens in the United States as a human-rights violation, because American law guarantees the right to use lethal force, when no lesser force will suffice, against a non-homicidal violent felony attack.

The article analyzes in detail the Founders of international law -- the great scholars in the fourteenth through eighteenth centuries who created the system of international law. The Article then looks at the major legal systems that have contributed to international law, such as Greek law, Roman law, Spanish law, Jewish law, Islamic law, Canon law, and Anglo-American law.

In addition, the article covers the full scope of contemporary international law sources, including treaties, the United Nations, constitutions from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, and much more. The Article shows that international law -- particularly its restraints on the conduct of warfare -- is founded on the personal right of self-defense. [Copied from the Article abstract.]
http://www.davekopel.com/DavePage.htm

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9- Left vs. Right

The lamestream media told you:
The political left, represented by the Democrats, is the more reasonable, compassionate, peace-loving, common sense, trustworthy and decent of the two sides.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The lamestream media could never get away with saying that if they actually showed you what the political left is up to:
http://www.zombietime.com/hall_of_shame/
CAUTION: Very vile and upsetting material posted at this site, not for the young or the weak.

----------

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If constitutionalists all moved to one state and started running things the way America ought to be -- would you want to get up and move there? Wait till you see how fabulous that state becomes, while the feds declare them in insurrection! Read "Molon Labe," the superb novel from Boston T. Party. Book review here:
https://www.gunlaws.com/books7novels.htm

Do something good for yourself -- get a book or two your school teachers would NEVER recommend:
https://www.gunlaws.com

Back in stock after a brief outage:
Knife Laws of the 50 States!
Perfect for travelers.
https://www.gunlaws.com/KnifeLawsof50States.htm

Thanks for reading!
Alan Korwin
The Uninvited Ombudsman

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WE'VE MOVED -- JAN. 1, 2007!!

Alan Korwin
Bloomfield Press
"We publish the gun laws."
4848 E. Cactus, #505-440 <-- NEW STREET ADDRESS
Scottsdale, AZ 85254 <-- NEW STREET ADDRESS
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you're reading this in English, thank a veteran.

"No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing
because he could do only a little."
--Edmund Burke

================================
Comments help keep me going. Alan.
================================

Alan: Much to digest & appreciate, as always.

Ref. The Great Phoenix Helicopter Crash, I can answer the question as to where editors get their priorities. I have a journalism diploma (somewhere: ain't seen it in years) and can say this about that:

1) The media LOVES to cover itself. Trouble is, while the media flacks derive ever so much satisfaction from it, they have no concept that they're boring readers & listeners & viewers to tears.

 2) Remember Ted Knight on the old Mary Tyler Moore show? The pompous, self-centered anchorperson? Well, I went to school with dozens of 'em. In the Watergate-Woodward-Bernstein era, everybody in J-school wanted to be a media star...and some of them actually think that they are!

FWIW, as a private pilot since 19mumble-mumble, I'll say that the Phoenix po-leece chief who wanted the errant driver prosecuted in the four helo deaths needs to get a reality dose. Apart from common aeronautical sense, federal regs insist that each pilot is responsible for the safe operation of the aeroplane. What happens on the ground is incidental. So there!
--Billy.

"How much CO2 was put into the atmosphere from all the carbonated soda consumed by all those people sitting in movie theaters watching An Inconvenient Truth?"

What about a business whose product is CO2? eg; those that supply CO2 to Coke, Pepsi, etc. and to every restaurant and fast food place in the world?

--Glen Christensen

Oh, Alan -- You're too much. I'm SO glad you mentioned the Utah coal mine thing. I was watching last week as hour after they kept replaying this AMAZING exchange:

(Picture a large, mysterious-looking mechanical contraption that fills the screen. The Reporter's voice says:)

"Here we have the machine that digs the hole in the ground through which they will drop the camera ..."

(PHOTO CHANGES: NOW A SHORT PIPE STICKING OUT OF THE GROUND APPEARS IN FRONT OF THE CONTRAPTION.)

Reporter's Voice: " ... and here we have the 9-inch hole through which the camera will be lowered ..."

(PHOTO CHANGES AGAIN. NOW A PICTURE OF A CAMERA LENS.)

Reporters Voice: " ... and this is the camera lens that malfunctioned and needs to be replaced ... we're waiting for a replacement now to lower into the pipe to take photos in the mine ...."

Hour after hour ... "Here we have a machine ... and here we have a hole in the ground (A HOLE IN THE GROUND!!! MY CRIMINY!) ... and here's a lovely picture of a camera lens ....." 

Are these news people crazy? I think so.

--Karen, Assistant to Senator (name withheld)

Hi Alan,
Here's the link to your latest, and it is a GOODIE! Keep up the great work, and thanks for letting me post it. Sheila at WMSA--The Webmistress

Gays and Guns
The Decleration of Independance didn't say that only "All Straight Men are Created Equal", by the same token, not all "Gays" are ultra liberal. As a fiscally conservative, socially moderate, Evangelical Christian Gay Republican, NRA instructor and member, I vote my gun rights before anything else. If you can't protect yourself and your family the rest of it is meaningless. You missed the point, the Democrats would never hold a debate on gun rights, as they well know, everytime they open their mouths on the subject they lose, better to keep quiet in public and try to sneek the laws in the back door. Great job on your reporting, I look forward to each issue. If you think all "Gays" are gun hating liberals, take a look at <http://www.pinkpistols.org>www.pinkpistols.org, you may find we have more in common than you think.
--Steve

[Thanks for the thoughts and the kind words. Tell your friends. I was careful not to bash gays, just to point out the silliness of the news media's emphasis and Democrat party's hypocrisy. Pink Pistols are active in Arizona, it's an excellent movement. --Alan.]

hehe don't worry I'm not the PC cops. People have become much to sensitive about everything PC. There is nothing left to joke about. Your observations are many times a blinding flash of the obvious, but one the general public seems to miss. I've found your pieces to be insightfull, carefully thought out and for the most part, something we all need to hear.
--Steve

I read every word of every issue. Page Nine is the only newsletter I read every word of (well, sometimes I read all of the Kiplinger Letter). --Jon Haupt.

Concerning the 13-year-old boy who was suspended from school for (maybe) sketching a gun, the school officials responsible for the suspension have unwittingly taken a Rorschach inkblot test. What school officials see in this vague drawing -- violence and mayhem -- tells much more about the officials than about the boy. The result of this Rorschach test strongly suggests that these school officials need psychiatric intervention, and perhaps professional observation for a period of years. We shouldn't take any chances with the safety of the children entrusted to these officials. If it saves just one child...

--Gary Marbut, president
Montana Shooting Sports Association
http://www.mtssa.org

Please add me to your Page Nine email updates. Keep up the great work! You do all of us interested in protecting the 2nd Amendment a great service.

WE'VE MOVED -- JAN. 1, 2007!!

Alan Korwin
Bloomfield Press
"We publish the gun laws."
4848 E. Cactus, #505-440 <-- NEW STREET ADDRESS
Scottsdale, AZ 85254 <-- NEW STREET ADDRESS
602-996-4020 Phone
602-494-0679 Fax
1-800-707-4020 Orders
https://www.gunlaws.com
alan@gunlaws.com
Call, write, fax or click for free full-color catalog

If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you're reading this in English, thank a veteran.

"No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing
because he could do only a little."
--Edmund Burke